DEAR MARRIED CHRIST FOLLOWERS,
Joy and I want to share our hearts with you concerning marriage as the holiday season approaches. We have seen many marriages try and “fake it” during Thanksgiving and Christmas over the years. However, it is always obvious to everyone else that they are “faking it”. We want to encourage every marriage to exchange Christ glorifying presents this year. Give a renewed, Christ honoring, Holy Spirit empowered commitment to each other.
We know how easy it is to cave in to feelings of hopelessness. All Christ followers face this challenge because we are no longer of the world that we live in. The world system is organized against us. Joy and I have experienced what some of you may be facing at this time. We have been tempted to be individually selfish during turbulent seasons in our relationship. When tempted to believe that all is hopeless it is easy to focus on self. At such times we may tell ourselves that God does not want us to live in misery and that any path away from him or her has to be right.
When a married couple reaches a certain level of bitterness, the temptation is to believe that the only thing left is divorce. This should not surprise us as our common enemy loves to destroy our homes and desires to cast dark shadows on God’s character and the church.
Satan has false teachers and false friends (sometimes in the form of unbiblical family members and professing Christians) whom he will use to counsel us away from righteous choices (Psalm 1). The Bible only recognizes two sources of wisdom—that which is from above and that which is from below (James 3:13-18). The promoter of wisdom from below will seek to convince us that God’s clear teaching about any subject—even marriage—is outdated or does not apply to some situations. Satan wants to deceive and convince Christ followers that God does not mean what he has clearly stated in his Word (2 Peter 2). He has been doing this from the beginning when he deceived the first couple in the Garden of Eden. God has given pastors to the church to guard his sheep from the growing deception that will be prominent in the last days (2 Timothy 3, 4).
Our purpose for writing this is to encourage the marriages in our church family to pursue a course that honors God, blesses your home, and protects the reputation of Christ’s Bride, the church. Each spouse must practice self denial in order for God to be glorified.
If marriage were a casual thing, in the plan and purpose of God, it would be easier for us to pretend that separation and divorce are not big deals in certain situations. However, the Word of God teaches that marriage is central to God’s plan and purpose to exalt Jesus Christ in the world. Therefore, honoring God will involve turning from unbiblical patterns and turning to God with whom all things are possible.
Any marriage between two Christians can be restored. While it is not always possible for a believer to live at peace with an unbeliever it is always possible for two Christians to do so (1Corinthians 7: 8-16; Romans 12:18). This is possible because God has placed the desire to please him in the hearts of true believers and has given them the ability to do so by the indwelling Holy Spirit (2 Peter 1:3-11). God will not allow his children to be tempted beyond hope. He will always give a way of escape from unrighteous paths. He never commands his people to do anything that he does not also give them the resources to accomplish.
He specializes in restoring relationships—especially marriages—because marriage is a major way in which he displays his beauty in a world that desperately needs to see his grace. God desires to make your marriage into a display of his mercy.
His best is possible for your marriage because of the resources that he has provided for his people: His Word, the Holy Spirit, and the church. Whether your marriage is healthy or already at the point of faking it we want to challenge you. We encourage each husband to pursue loving his wife as Christ loved the church. We encourage each wife to honor her husband as the church honors Christ.
In every human relationship there are three motive revealing questions that can be asked about any decision that is being made or course that is being taken:
1. What will I receive or lose? (The lowest motive).
2. What will others receive or lose? (The next lowest motive).
3. What will God receive or lose? (The highest motive).
For the Christ follower what God will receive or lose is to be the focus. The question is, “What will bring glory to his name?” Joy and I are praying for each marriage—ours especially—to diligently seek what will glorify God. We are to do this with confidence in the fact that God rewards those who earnestly seek him (Hebrews 11:6).
This life is one of seeking Christ in the difficult places because this is how he reveals his power in and through us. It may be hard for you to see beyond all of the bitterness and hurt but don’t let that hinder you from trusting him. It has been said: In the stream of history the heavy things sink to the bottom leaving only the straw and stubble floating on the top. Christ followers write a different history in that what is heavy (really important) floats to the top—to the glory of God.
Barry and Joy
